Handyman syndrome is a psychiatric disorder that afflicts more than 80% of women. It manifests itself as a persistent delusion and expectation that all men should somehow be “handy” when it comes to renovations, woodwork, plumbing, etc., regardless of their other career competencies and specialization. The same woman who would never ask her banker husband to perform cardiac surgery on her, somehow believes that all men are born with a “handy” gene that makes them instantly competent at wielding a hammer, wrench, or saw.

The Kommandant can often be heard venting her frustration with comments like, “My God, you can barely screw in a light bulb”. I learned the secret long ago to being asked to do things “handy”. I do them so badly that I’m never asked again! I am proud to say that my son has followed in my footsteps, although he has made the mistake of being very interested in repairing and maintaining his various cars, thereby tipping his hand that he actually is handy.

My lack of handiness comes from several perspectives. First, I truly am not handy, and have no skill for it, nor the interest to develop it. But secondly, and perhaps most important, I have a profound respect for the professional. I know that I can never achieve the “cycles of learning” that a pro gets from doing the same thing over and over again, thousands of times. He can do whatever I might try to do, faster, better, and ultimately cheaper than I can do it if I use the same time to actually do what I am good at and get paid for.

There is a serious decline in the numbers of available skilled workers in our society, due in large part I believe, to the insane growth in handy-men cutting into their turf. Where would all the painters, carpenters, and electricians be if we all did it ourselves?

When it comes to things handy, I have one perennial response: “If it’s not in the Yellow pages…it can’t be done”.