I saw the email from the FBI and my blood went cold. Had I written some subversive post? Perhaps my earlier entry on Bin Laden’s corpse being buried at sea? Upon reading it however, I immediately relaxed and in fact was overjoyed to learn that the FBI was writing to assure me that my recent lottery winnings were 100% legitimate and that I should contact Mr. David Neal (who strangely enough has a Gmail address….oh, wait…that must be G-Mail for a G-Man).
Full text below:
FBI Headquarters in Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001
This is to officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have
thoroughly completed an investigation with the help of our Intelligence
Monitoring Network System that you legally won the sum of $800,000.00 USD.
from a Lottery Company outside the United States of America.
During our investigation we discovered that your e-mail won the money from
an Online Balloting System and we have authorized this winning to be paid to
you via a Certified Cashier’s Check.
Normally, it will take up to 10 business days for an International Check to
be cashed by your local banks. We have successfully notified this company on
your behalf that funds are to be drawn from a registered bank within the
United States of America so as to enable you cash the check instantly
without any delay, henceforth the stated amount of $800,000.00 USD. has been
deposited with Bank Of America.
We have completed this investigation and you are hereby approved to receive
the winning prize as we have verified the entire transaction to be Safe and
100% risk free, due to the fact that the funds have been deposited at Bank
Of America you will be required to settle the following bills directly to
the Lottery Agent in-charge of this transaction whom is located in Lagos,
Nigeria. According to our discoveries, you were required to pay for the
*Deposit Fee’s (Fee’s paid by the company for the deposit into an
American Bank which is – Bank of America)
*Cashier’s Check Conversion Fee (Fee for converting the Wire Transfer
payment into a Certified Cashier’s Check)
The total amount for everything is $300.00 (three Hundred USD.) We have
tried our possible best to indicate that this $300.00 should be deducted
from your winning prize but we found out that the funds have already been
deposited at Bank Of America and cannot be accessed by any Two except the
legal owner (you), the winner; therefore you will be required to pay the
required fee’s to the Agent in-charge of this transaction via Western Union
Money Transfer Or Money Gram.
In order to proceed with this transaction, you will be required to contact
the agent in-charge (DAVID NEAL) via e-mail. Kindly look below to find
appropriate contact information:
CONTACT AGENT NAME: DAVID NEAL
E-MAIL ADDRESS: firstname.lastname@example.org
You will be required to e-mail him with the following information:
DIRECT CONTACT NUMBER:
You will also be required to request Western Union details on how to send
the required $300.00 in order to immediately ship your prize of $800,000.00
USD via Certified Cashier’s Check drawn from Bank of America, also a
Reference Code will be sent to your PhTwo Number by the FBI for
Beneficiary’s confirmation purpose. Please endeavor to make the code private
and confidential for which your funds remain void without providing the
Confirmation code sent to you by FBI.
This letter will serve as proof that the Federal Bureau Of Investigation is
authorizing you to pay the required $200.00 ONLY to Mr. DAVID NEAL via
information in which he shall send to you, if you do not receive your
winning prize of $800,000.00 we shall be held responsible for the loss and
this shall invite a penalty of $3,000 which will be made PAYABLE ONLY to you
NOTE: In order to ensure rapid response for the Fund won, contact Mr. DAVID
NEAL as soon as possible providing the required information needed from you